Life Goes On...

but it ain't real pretty right now!

Murphyless Day 4

I don't think a single one of us has had a tear-free day since last Thursday. The girls have been in school and are busy during the day and forget for a bit I think. Then at bedtime, Lovey gets dwelling on it and that gets Honey started and tonight was a messy tuck in! Sweetie hasn't said too much but mentions him in her prayers each night and so do the others.

So many reminders everywhere make it hard to really put it out of mind for long. I have a hard time going to bed at night, it takes awhile to fall asleep. The first thing I think about as soon as my mind starts turning over in the morning is "hes' still gone". Every creak on the stairs, I look for him. Every time I return home, I'm bracing for the emptiness that the house holds. I keep looking for him on the couch where he always slept. He keeps not being there. I walked in the bedroom the other night and saw an elongated dark lumpy shape lying on our bed and my heart soared!!!! then in the same split second it came crashing back down again as I realized it was just my black puffy coat. I glance out the window and my eyes automatically scan the white snow for his brown coat meandering about and am disheartened every time I realize my mistake. Yesterday morning Murray & I were eating breakfast when we heard the sweet familiar sound & rhythm of a fast whap, whap, whap, whap coming from the hallway. Murphy's tail hitting the bannister!!!!!!!!! How ????? Even knowing the utter impossibility of it, I couldn't stop myself from going to find him. But of course he wasn't there. It was Lovey in the bathroom, banging the hairbrush on the counter at just the right speed.

Apparently it's going to take awhile to rewire the Murphy section of my brain! I know it will take time and we'll never stop missing him but eventually the pain won't be so fresh and deep. Today wasn't as hard as the first couple of days so I can tell we're making progress. There are lots of moments where I think "ok, it's ok right now. I've got a grip. It's not so bad. Ok." and then wham something hits me with that awful gut wrenching sadness and just about knocks me down.

We've  had so many kind messages and our parents are phoning in to make sure we're still standing. Don't worry, we're getting there but we're not in a big hurry to move on completely just yet :))) It IS getting easier
but I think I need a few more days of wallowing yet.

In the meantime, PW is trying to fill the gap by being an obnoxious schmuck :) He's storming about night & day, yowling at us for treats, to be patted and for random visits to the front door, apparently just to make sure it's still operational because he doesn't ever actually go through it once I open it for him! He's probably wondering where his buddy is too :(((

Sweetie found him curled up in her doll stroller tonight and she carefully wheeled it into the kitchen to show me. Of  course he didn't stay long but we did see him in the act. She lured him back in with some treats and it made everybody laugh.