Bean Counters

Some of you have heard about our little "system" in the house but for those who haven't, here's the deal:

We were having a terrible time getting the girls to do anything in the mornings to get ready for preschool. They didn't want to get dressed, they didn't want to sit at the table & eat breakfast, they didn't want to get their teeth brushed, make their beds or anything else we asked. Every morning was a screaming match starring the Raving Lunatic Mother (aka Me). It was beyond frustrating and to hear "why should I?" to every request was enough to bring RLM to the forefront in a hurry. I decided this was no way to start off the day, spend the day and end the day.

This topic came up on the triplets email group that I have belonged to since I was pregnant. Everyone in this group had their triplets within 6 months of each other so we've all faced the stages & milestones & challenges around the same time. This group has been a lifesaver a million times over. These mums totally get it, they're living it too! So, discipline, rewards etc has been a frequent topic on this message board. Someone said they'd had good success and I was ready to try anything!

The bean system focuses on rewarding & encouraging the good behaviours/chores you're trying to work on. The kids earn beans for different things and can then cash the beans in for various treats, outings, special items. I got 3 mason jars, bought some decorations, flowers, stickers, jewels etc and let them each decorate their own jar. At supper that night, we talked about how everyone needs to help out and listen to Murray & I when we ask them to do something. We asked what kinds of jobs they could do and I wrote everything down and added a few things to the list. Then, we asked what they would like to have for their treats/rewards.

The earnings chart looks something like this:

Make bed- 1 bean

Get dressed- 1 bean

Do something without being asked 2 beans

Clean Up 1 bean

Try everything on your plate 2 beans

Clean your plate 3 beans

Put away laundry 1 bean

Put on PJ's without a tornado tantrum 1 bean

do something nice for your sister/friend 3 beans

...and so forth

Spending options are:

Go for icecream/doughnut 15 beans

Extra story at bedtime 6 beans

bath all by yourself 10 beans

Movies/gymnastics/swimming 25 beans

and then there's the GRAND ULTIMATE PRIZE: SLEEPOVER AT GRAMMIE & GRANDAD'S!!!!!! FIFTY BEANS (M&D thought this was horribly unfair & unattainable, however they're on, at least, between all of them, their 6th sleepover at the moment so I think they're ok with this "cost" now!)

(one sleepover's worth)

Murray was skeptical but they looooooooooooooove their jars, they loooooooooooove getting their beans, they love dumping out the jar & counting their beans and this has helped them with their numbers & counting, they love cashing in for their rewards. They go bonkers if they get penalized & lose a bean (a time out causes the removal of a bean from the jar) and often do extra jobs so they can earn more beans. Eventually, as they master tasks that were once a major issue, you change up the ways they earn their beans and things that they should just do because it's part of family life (get dressed, make bed etc) get removed and other things get added in. Mornings are now much smoother, not always perfect, but much less yelling and chasing and pinning down, jamming on coats & dumping kid out the door going on now!

It's also helping them see how earning & saving work. They get to make choices and decide whether to choose this now or save up for something better. They've gone out for doughnuts quite often, swimming once or twice, the library a few times. Most of the time they choose to do these outings alone with just one of us all to themselves which is a big part of the treat itself. Occasionally they want one of their sisters to come with them and sometimes we all go.

A couple weeks ago, Lovey counted out her beans and had JUST enough for a sleepover. She asked me to separate those beans in a little baggie so she would know they were for the sleepover and wouldn't spend them on something else by mistake. She kept those beans and waited til she earned more before cashing in for a story or anything else. She phoned Grandad this week and told him she had enough and asked if she could come for a sleepover this weekend. He was pretty sure it'd be ok and Grammie confirmed it when she got home from work (btw, Lovey has their phone number memorized & can dial it herself which she's quite proud of!) Yesterday in the car, Lovey was talking about her sleepover and asked Sweetie if she wanted to go too. Sweetie pretended that was outrageous (but I could tell she was anxious to go) and said "me? go with you for the sleepover?!?!?!? that would be crazy!!!!!!!!" Lovey replied "oh! COME on! Do it! Do it! Come with me!!!!" Sweetie's rubber arm magically twisted and she said "oh ok, I'll come then."

What about Honey!??!?!? She was immediately concerned that she'd miss them and be scared to sleep in her room alone.... Lovey suggested that if she did get lonely, Honey could get a picture of Lovey & Sweetie and look at it to help her feel better. (so helpful!) I reminded Honey that she also had enough beans for a sleepover if she wanted to go but she prefers to go by herself and have full grandparental attention. She thought about this all the way home, during lunch and afterwards as we waited for Grammie to pick the girls up. She went back & forth a few times and was genuinely torn. I told her we could go out for icecream, just her and I and the girls told her she could play with any of their stuff that she wanted while they were gone. Honey didn't think that sounded nearly as much fun as going to G&G's. Seeing her struggle with this decision was kindof cute but I could tell she was really having a hard time. Finally I told her that she had enough beans for TWO sleepovers so if she wanted to go with her sisters this time, she still had enough to have her own sleepover another time. That did it. She ran down the hall & packed her bag and was ready in no time. LOL Apparently full motherly attention is no match for 1/3 of grandparental fun ;)))

Mum & Dad are trying out a new puppy so the kids are having a great time at the sleepover so far!

This, of course, left Murray & I heartbroken & lonely so we consoled ourselves the best we could. With dinner at a restaurant who doesn't have free smiles, or at least, doesn't advertise them in neon yellow! We greatly enjoyed our supper and even went out for a movie. I'd suggested "Taken" but he picked "Shopaholic" because it started 20 minutes earlier. Fine by me! Although, it wasn't probably 20 minutes in before he began to regret his hastiness LOL

He has hockey tonight so is off to rough up some nice Christian boys. The CHL isn't as clean as you'd think from the name! His team is doing quite well again this year and he hasn't needed any stitches for a little while so he's happy!