The venue was a summer camp and anyone that wanted to could stay on site in one of the cabins at no charge! Woot woot, free accommodations and no driving home late at night in the dark! Sweet!
The wedding was held on the beach of a lake and it was a cool, overcast day with a bit of a breeze. Then just as they were saying their vows, the clouds parted and the sun shone down on them. It was pure magic! Their daughter was the flowergirl and she came over to us to share the flowers from her basket with the girls and everyone else nearby until it was empty.
After the ceremony, there was a bouncy castle and bubble blowing station for the kids and hors d'oeuvres for us!
As tends to happen with big events, things ran late and the reception didn't get started until late, which meant the dance, which was what they really had their hearts set on, didn't get underway til almost 10pm. They hit the floor with gusto and hopped and twirled their hearts out, with me, with Grandad, Grammie, Daddy, Aunt Cathy, any cousin they could pin down and also random girl who happened to be near us was also fair game. Then Honey got sleepy. Then Sweetie started winding down. A bit after 11, Murray decided to take them to get ready for bed. I stayed with Lovey and let her dance her butt off a little longer. At 11:25 I decided I'd better pull the pin on things as school was starting soon and I didn't want to have a ridiculously late night.
Little did I know, it was already too late. We were doomed. I got back to the cabin with Lovey and grumbling commenced about things. Squabbly conversations sputtered and sparked as we looked for PJs in the near dark (no electricity, just a small flashlight). We headed out to the bathroom for the final brush and flush and that's when things got U G L Y.
The bathroom building had open doors. In the woods. Where b-u-g-s and s-p-i-d-e-r-s live. Guess where they like to head when there are open doors? Yep. IN. There were spider webs on the ceiling, some moths fluttered around the lights and some spiders were sighted. *insert freak out here*
I'm SCARED.
It's GROSS IN THERE MUM!
I'm NOT using the bathroom in THERE! (despite 27 trips earlier in the day)
TAKE ME HOME.
WHY CAN'T WE LEAVE?
I DON"T WANT TO STAY HERE.
Knowing their bladders couldn't possibly last the whole night, I tried to convince them they had to go in there or out in the bushes.
WHAT?!?!?!?
NO!!!!!!!!!!
I DON"T WANT TO!!!!!!
I CAN'T!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
I WON"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO MUMMY NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!
Finally there was just one hold out but she had her heels dug in good and strong. Finally I pushed her into the least spidery stall of the three and made her sit and she promptly took care of business while simultaneously maintaining the loudest and longest and shrillest "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in the history of girly girldom. The bride's brother appeared in the main entrance to the building, looking concerned and uncertain. Yikes. How embarrassing. He's of course overheard all this drama. Well this is awkward now isn't it?
Him: uhhhh. everything ok here?
Me: yes, sorry, just a sudden case of arachnophobia gone wild.
With a sheepish laugh I turn back to the girls to try and talk them into quieting...... why is he still there?
Him: I just want to make sure everyone is alright.
Me: (perplexed. it's just overtired girls overreacting) oh yeah, it's just the spiders.
Him: (not going anywhere just yet) ummm. well, so..... are you, uhhh, their mother?
Me: Yes. They're tired and need to get to bed.
Him: (still not leaving and now unsure if it's safe to do so or if I'm an axe murdered about to chop them to bits) Oh. yeah. uh, ok then. I have a daughter too, I guess I'll find out about this someday. (hesitantly leaves)
Now I'm good and cranky, he's probably going to phone the police because we can't get our hysterics under control. I march them out and head for our cabin. But it's pitch black everywhere and I've picked the wrong path. and the wrong cabin. and the wrong cabin again with moany groany whining trailing in my wake as we stumble over roots. Then we double back, except this isn't where we started from.... ugh! I see the lights of the reception hall and go back up there and then find the proper path. I think.... "Murray????" I hear him answer so I know we're on the right track and we get back into the cabin.
Only to start up a new chorus of "I don't like it here." "This cabin is DIRTY and GROSS!" "Can I go sleep in the van?" "I just want to go HOME!" Of course these things were mentioned at top volume in our whiniest tones and with full on tears. It was the most misery in the smallest amount of space I've seen since the infant days when I was trapped in our living room with 3 inconsolable preemie infants and just praying to hold on til 5:00 when Murray would be done work. The shrieking and caterwauling went on til after 1am and somehow one of them fell asleep. The other two decided that if they HAD to stay there, they'd hunker down inside their sleeping bags and pull the top over their heads. This created a new conundrum. It's freaking hot when you do that. So we grumble and groan and thrash around a lot, in case anyone hasn't noticed our discomfort. "Settle down and stop rumbling around over there!" "I'M HOT!!!" "Well unzip your bag a bit." "I CAN'T. A spider might jump around and get inside my sleeping bag!!!!"
Murray tried to reason with them that it was no worse than sleeping in our tent. Well they didn't like it THERE either! "Fine. we won't be doing any more camping either then!" Nothing we said was making any headway so we changed tactics.
I played some soft music on my phone and laid down with the most hysterical girl and finally got her calmed down and the thrasher eventually passed out from lack of oxygen, exhaustion, heat stroke or a combo of all three. After awhile I crawled back to my own bunk only to be awakened a few hours later by the same girl I'd left not that long ago! She was hollering, terrified a spider was coming for her. I was too sleepy to stir right away and told her to come crawl in with me. No dice. It was way too risky to walk across the room through the throng of web spinning monsters (that were never actually spotted by the way, it was the POTENTIAL threat that was cause for alarm). This must have been around 5am or so. She was hollering that she wanted to leave NOW. Murray asked her to hold it together so he could get another hour's sleep so he'd be able to stay awake to drive home. Ever heard of the honeybadger? Well she cared even less than a honeybadger. Deciding to take one for the team, I dragged myself out of my bunk, grabbed her, sleeping bag and all and stuffed us into my bunk and told her she could stay there ONLY if she was quiet or I was putting her back. Zonk! Never heard another peep out of her.
Around 8am, I heard a little male voice asking a question. It almost sounded like he was IN our cabin with us. Then I heard my cousin Shawn answer him and although he was speaking fairly softly, EVERY WORD WAS CLEAR AS A BELL. OH dear heaven. There is NO way on earth that any nearby cabin wasn't affected by the parenting fail of the century.
We gave them a quick hushed lecture on the horrible events of the early morning hours and warned them within an inch of their lives to get their stuff gathered and to get out of there without a scene. We packed up in record time and slunk off without making eye contact with anyone else. Luckily not many were up and about yet. We didn't stick around for the brunch and gift opening party. I'm afraid to think of the conversations at that event!
There wasn't anything to eat so we drove home for breakfast. Not one of them spoke a word the whole way home. Murray's pretty sure they were afraid to! Over an hour and a half of silence in the vehicle is practically unheard of so he must be right!
How the angelic faces below turned into such raving lunatics, I have no idea but lucky for them, they're so cute and loving during the day. All I can say is that it will be awhile before we let them stay up late again, special event or NOT!
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