Kindergarten = Splitsville

Well we now know what's going to happen in the fall :( We contacted the school last week to express our desire for the girls to be placed together in the same classroom this upcoming year. I'd talked to a twin mom who had verbally requested this for her boys when they started at this school a few years ago and her request was ignored. She didn't do anything about it that year but later put it in writing and the school kept them together since then. Not wanting to have that happen to us, we wrote a letter and sent it. The principal didn't respond until Monday when she phoned to tell me they were putting Honey & Sweetie in one class and Lovey in a separate class "right across the hall" and she added "so is that fair?".

I was dumbfounded. SPLIT THEM UP??????? Leave ONE girl ALONE?????? FAIR????????? I didn't even know what to say. There were many long silences in this conversation. I was terrified to say anything that might make it worse but couldn't imagine going this route. I mentioned that we hadn't wanted them separated at all and that this 2-1 split was not an optimal way for them to start. She then told me that while parents can make requests, she was telling me the same thing she tells all the parents, it is up to the school to make the decision in the end. OH MY GOSH. Not only is this the worst scenario I can imagine, she's now telling me I have no real say and there's nothing I can do about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe the number of times parents of older children have advised me, "you are the only advocate for your kids. you've got to be the one to fight." I wasn't expecting to have "issues" to contend with before they set foot in the place!!!!!!!!!!

Still not knowing what to say or what I could say, I merely asked why our wishes weren't enough for her to place them as we requested. Another long pause. Maybe she'd been hoping I'd meekly just say "ok" to this suggestion? I let my question hang and finally she said that there was one new arrival they hadn't yet placed and that she might be able to swap this child's spot for Lovey and have the 3 girls together afterall but ONLY after she talked to the kindergarten teacher as it wouldn't be fair to do that without getting her consent. Then, IF the teacher was willing, they MIGHT put them together. I said that would be great and I'd talk to my husband and let him know and that we'd wait to hear from her.

By the way there are going to be 5 classrooms for the K grade next year so it's not like there isn't any wiggle room in there!

After I hung up I called Murray right away. He immediately disagreed with the 2-1 deal and tried to phone her back but just got the school voicemail. He then sent an email reiterating that we wanted them together so they'd be "more relaxed and better able to learn." He also went on to say that if any sort of split was necessary that we'd rather they all be separated rather than have one devastated.

She ended up phoning him back and explained to him that sometimes with multiples there is one child who does better than the other(s) and this discourages the other child(ren) and they give up trying to "compete" with their sibling. So she convinced him that total separation was for the best after all. I'm still not convinced and am sick at the thought of them going off to real school, separated from me AND all their sisters all in one fell swoop. I can't even imagine the hysterics when we have to break it to them. Lovey got separated from the other 2 at the orientation and was terribly upset at that 30 minute session. They've all mentioned several times that they want to be together but I've never told them it would be that way for sure so hopefully they'll become accustomed to the idea when we tell them later this summer.

How detrimental to their educational experience could it be in KINDERGARTEN for heaven's sake????????? I can't see that they'd be scarred for life, and there are bound to be other students in the class who will be better at some areas anyway, won't that be a bit frustrating too? I know it was for me. That darn Kyle was always trying to beat me on tests at school but he didn't always succeed and it kept us all on our toes. We hated to be the one with the lower mark so we worked harder & studied harder.

Hopefully I'll get used to the idea myself but it's going to take some doing! I know there will be benefits for them and that they'll be able to be individuals and not just "the triplets" all the time. They do everything together, wake up together, eat together, play together and are rarely on their own. Having their own class, friends, teacher and experiences will be a nice change for them. It's just one I was hoping we could introduce a bit later, after they'd had a chance to get used to their new surroundings with the comfort and support that they're used to and is available to them.

Now that this is settled and out of my hands I just have to make the best of it and try to figure out how to spin it into a positive light so the girls will come around to this idea....

:(